I got a great call this past week. A man reached out to tell me that his wife was planning on doing some therapeutic work with psilocybin, and he wanted to know how he could best support her on her journey. I thought this was just so sweet and a sign that the world we’ve all been working so hard to create is coming into being.
All too often hear from people that they have no familial or community support, and it breaks my heart. A huge part of our mission here at Tam is to grow a culture of presence and support. We simply want to encourage people to be there for one another (and we want to grow that quality in ourselves as well). That’s what our integration circles are based on. How wonderful to meet a person out of the blue who shares the same values.
Here are some of the suggestions that I offered him, and if you have more, I’d love to hear them as well.
Aftercare. They may be a little raw when they return. They might just need comfort or care. Soup, cocoa, time to journal, and fewer responsibilities for a few days.
Be patient. Give them lots of space if they want to tell you about their experience. Even if you don’t exactly understand, reserve your questions until their stories are complete. Sometimes, it can be challenging to be patient if they don’t want to talk about it but realize these experiences can be really hard to translate.
Questions and inquiry. When it’s time to ask questions, leave them open-ended and allow time for them to consider. If you catch yourself moving into advice-giving or judgment, try to open a line of inquiry that can lead to deeper understanding for both of you.
Fixing and Solving. Don’t rush to fix or solve any of the problems or issues they bring up. Just empathize and let them know that you’ll figure it out together or some similar supportive phrasing. There will be time for action plans in the coming weeks.
Don’t Panic. If your partner comes home making bold pronouncements about the nature of reality or significant life changes they need to make. Over time, these tend to smooth out on their own.
Get Humble. No relationship is perfect. We all have ways we should grow. We all have games we play and ways we are less than excellent to each other. Your partner may have gained some insight into ways you could both improve for the good of the relationship. Be open to the possibility that they might be at least partially right.
Newness. As a follow-up to the above, they might want to approach things in a new way. They may have new boundaries. They might want to try a new diet, take up a new hobby, or practice. For some reason, art, yoga, and vegetarianism seem to be side effects of psychedelics. Go with it.
You don’t have to do it all. The Gods have seen fit to bless us with many great integration circles and competent coaches and therapists. Encourage them to avail themselves of professional and peer support. You are not a substitute for mental health care!
These are just 8 of the things that we discussed. I could probably go on for at least twice as many. If you asked someone else, their advice might differ. It’s ok. It’s a living conversation. We’re all constantly evolving in our ability to be there for each other. What matters is that we hold the intention for presence and support.
Whenever you're ready, there are a few ways Tam Integration can support you:
1. If you're looking for community integration support, you're welcome to join our circles. They are free and donations are accepted. The time and dates are here.
2. If you're looking to learn more about psychedelics, their conscious use, and your place in this new field, I'd recommend starting with our immense archive:
→ Our Online Recorded Conferences: Get access to over 200 hours of recorded content from a wide array of leaders speaing about all aspects of psychedelic research, practice, and theory. Your first month is only $1 Enjoy connecting with the larger community.
3. If you're looking for a deeper exploration of psychedelics, and want to make them a greater part of your life, you can explore our courses and trainings:
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